Tuesday, September 26, 2006
9/26/2006 02:57:00 PM Y
Post title : Back In action
♥ You'll never know the real me.
[x]: Back In Action! :[x]
Supposingly.. those who've been viewin my blog about the latest post would somehow be traumatized and disgusted? >.<>Anyway, they're real life events that DID occurred. Don't they act as reminders to bikers and you guys out there..?
Drop that.. Well, I've been living pretty fine lately. Just feel certain amount of aloneness at times, esp at night. Yeaps.. Night time fears~ =(
Exam's starting this friday, 29 Sept. Any confidence? Beats me too! whahahahas
I'm doing some revisions recently with my friends outside house cos I know myself well. i won't get myself to the books if I'm at home! hahas.
Days are passing rather fast. Don't they? Years and years are flying by like the rocket.
*XIU*
and..
*GONE*
Indeed, time waits for no man. That explains why people tend to feel resentment after a thing is done or something wrong is said. =)
Gotta stop here.. making my butt off this computer!!! Study!! Wish me luck and all the best! hahs
Same goes to anyone out there who's having your exams! tata~
9/19/2006 06:25:00 AM Y
Post title : Sweety Cheesy Friendship
♥ You'll never know the real me.
[x]: Sweet Happy Friendship! :[x]
Ecstatic and touch
Words she said
Things she assured me
She brought a smile
At the very beginning of the new day
To me..
Early in the morning, as usual I woke up to check my blog.
SHE tagged me!! ^.^
Though I may dislike her in some ways or another, but that's the past lerrhs.
All I hope now is a true friendship. And.. she said we could start afresh! yiipees!
Somehow it just made me feel so delighted and also.. felt a sudden ease..
After so long of 'faking' friendship.. We could finally come to an end and start anew.
She said she'll be there for me and these struck me. I'm really grateful to her.. I mean it.
Girl, thanks for putting the past behind, I give you my words that I'll never do anything to hurt this friendship anymore. Dui Bu Qi..
Gotta go prepare for school! Hopefully today no extra lesson so I could go visit Yuting.. (:
Monday, September 18, 2006
9/18/2006 05:04:00 PM Y
Post title :
♥ You'll never know the real me.
[x]: Pensive :[x]
I thought everything for me would be going on smoother after that 3 months of tears and sadness.
I never wanted to hurt anyone nor be hurt by someone else.
I thought I'm the one feeling the pain alone
I thought I can live on happily
I thought I could get going..
So many 'thought's I once had.
I finally realised..
I was kinda down when the one after Gene left me too.
I could say, he's more like a big brother to me
Teaching me life and helping me grow.
Words from his mouth are so meaningful that everytime they'd just struck me.
After him, I thought I have grew to be more sensible.
I thought I could handle things better from then on.
I thought I could manage my relationships well..
I thought i thought..
Again, all these 'thought's I had, prove me in utter wrong.
What have I done to implicate so many people?
Hurting them one by one.
Flirtacious.. Bitch.. Slut.. Villainous.. sinful.. mean.. cruel.. immoral..
Whatever you want to describe me, I accept it.
I face it with courage.
Even if one day you would to see me on the streets
Walk up to me and give me a big, tight slap,
I would say no more.
Tears form as crystals and rolled down whenever I hurt someone too.
I do feel.. I do feel the sadness and how hurt they might be..
I had it too, and I know, no one would ever wanted it too.. I really know it..
But.. in this erratic world, I was blinded somehow.
My visions were blurred, obstructing every bits of certainty I had ahead.
I can't be more real in this fake world
I don't wanna live no more.
I can't be lying for long
My heart can't take it anymore
I had no more reasons to hide.
I fear for every tomorrow.
My friends said my life is action-packed.
They said it was so much mre exciting and interesting.
My life surrounds around good sisters and laughters.
But could anyone see the sadness behind those smiles?
Could anyone feel the heart within breaking down?
Could anyone see the tiredness of the brain in it functioning?
Could anyone feel the soul in it weeping?
I had enough. I wanna run away from my fate.
how can I continue embracing this world I live in that seems far too complicated.
Isn't it simplified by people around me recently?
Why is it that I'm wrong again?
Why is it that everything's coming back again?
I know how bad and mean I am to hurt fragile hearts.
I know they couldn't take it too.
But I simply have no ideas too.
The resentment I felt.
These guilts..
Save me too.. Or just kill me..
Seeing the me now.. hurting and hurting and hurting..
Am I that murderer?
Is that me reflected on the mirror I stand in front of?
Why am I such a girl.. I'm breaking down..
I need Lincoln now.. He's my listening ear. One that I could pour all problems to. Now he've book in, I could no longer see him and talk things face to face.
He can't be there always like he did in the past..
Lincoln, I do feel tired at times..
I'm tired to face reality.. what should I do..? ='(
9/18/2006 04:45:00 PM Y
Post title : Break free, could I?
♥ You'll never know the real me.
[x]: Break Free, Could I? :[x]
Perplexity filled my surrounding air
In this erratic world I live
I tramped with escalating fear
Feeling the torment and asphyxiation
Who could ever save me?
Who could ever feel my pains too?
Who would understand me?
Who really does know what I'm thinking?
Being evasive
I plead for an end to this nobody-wish-for kismet
If so, impossible you'd say
I beg for anaesthetics
I envisage myself in the perfect yet ephemeral realm
Some place where I could feel equanimity
Somewhere I need not worry about anything
A space for a rest of my mind
I need to be frank
I need to admit
Cos' I wanna break free.
Save me or put me to sleep in that beautiful dream undisturbed.
Don't ever wake me up for I wanna face the truths no more.
I wanna bear no guilt no more.
Put a gun at my head and shooot me to death.
End my life, end all troubles of my mind.
Let it rest in peace for eternity..
Sunday, September 17, 2006
9/17/2006 09:29:00 PM Y
Post title : Gonna Remember..
♥ You'll never know the real me.
[x]: Gonna remember - 170906 :[x]
It was nothing but just a normal sunday I thought..
I went to NUH today to visit my dear girl. Some sort of a suicidal case.. Like my previous post had mentioned.. wrist-cut. -.-
She was hospitalised since Tuesday but I only was informed TODAY!!
She just don't wish to make people who care for her worry.. She's a nice girl ^.^
Anyway, I enjoyed my day today. Shall not mention any further cos I'm seriously too tired. I shall remember today!
When I saw Him,
I feel my heart beating fast.
When he gets near,
I feel my cheeks blushing.
When he's far,
I wanted to get closer.
Everything he did,
I just appreciated it.
Those hugs and kisses that we've had,
I'll remember..
always..
9/17/2006 09:32:00 AM Y
Post title : Pieces of Thoughts
♥ You'll never know the real me.
[x]: Pieces of Thoughts :[x]
This world is everchanging and I thought.. I could simply get up and move on.
However, supposingly I've complicated my life so much since then.
I messaged Junlong today to see if he's able to accompany to NUH to visit Yuting.(afterall he knows her too)
He said he's knocking off around afternoon and so would be able to make it.. And of course.. I'm glad that there's a companion lahs.. haha
Then, later in the message he text:
I call Eugene come also want?
I replied ''anything'' but honestly I wanted to see him. I wanted to ask him face to face how his relationship has been going. I wanted to know quite a bit bout his current life. I Just wanted to know.
Curious? I not sure.. Perhaps bahs
If there's a chance, I wanted to be with him again.
I wanted to feel 'the past'.
I wanted to exchange those warm hugs with him.
I wanted to share my day with him.
I wanted to listen to his voice every night.
I wanted to see the expression when he's jealous.
I wanted to hear him saying that three words to me. I wanted to so much.. that I know this are just wants that shall never be satisfy.
I'm a quixotic girl. Idealistic? Impractical? but I'm so fucked up by my thoughts and feelings. arghh!
What reason could I give to feel such a way? Though 7 months are not too long nor too short, he's my longest one. One that I once couldn't live without. One that brought me to certain truths of love-life. One that changes my mindset. We went through a lot? Not really I guess? But I know I truly loved. Things can't turn back for me right? It's his that faded first. Not me. I really wanted to blame him so much for letting me go so easily. Why didn't he hold me back? Why didn't he ask me to stay?
My heart is so disguised now. I know I've got another HIM. But I would think of the past at times. Recalling those "still like yesterday" memories.
I'm slowly hurting people around me. Goodbye can be an extremely hurting word and Me myself don't like it too.
What makes me so mean to do it to others then? Beats me. I'm a bitch..
I wanted to take my time to see the truths of my uncertainty. I wanna come to the conclusion of all doubts. But please don't pressurize me against time.
To my man, I'm sorry to let you feel hurt or upset over things I've said or done.
Just remember.. I'm the kite..
Don't be too emotional my dear.. you're already 20 and you need not be too sentitive over some words I said. Let me feel you're a right man that I can depend on.
Though I'm only 15, I know what kinda guy I want. I can't put them in words. It's just the feelings felt, so don't ask me.
Let's try out this relationship to see if it works.
Anyway, I simply don't understand why you'd ask me to believe u for "that". What has it gonna do with trust/belief? -.-
Drop that subject.. Just don't hold me too tight.. give me some space..
To you peeps out there who've been tagging my blog or so, I don't mind if you guys think I'm a 'playgirl"
I'm so confucked and totally messed up. Love's may be a burden to me.. Whatever it is.. regarding love, I'm contradicting..
Full stop.
Thursday, September 14, 2006
9/14/2006 08:39:00 PM Y
Post title : Scars Left
♥ You'll never know the real me.
[x]: Scars Left Crying Souls :[x]
Below are 3 pictures that I saw on one of a friendster user's photo profile:
.
.
.
Don't you find it rather 'OUCH'?! >.<> skin, so how can you feel not painful at all? Correct me if I'm wrong.
We teenagers take our bodies too lightly and never really treat them seriously. Never did we realise how important they are to us. Did we?
The one who's seriously hurt is not US but our PARENTS and of course people around us who do care bout us.
Actually, in fact, hurting yourself by cutting your hand,wrist,etc etc are NOT gonna HELP!Get this point clear you peeps out there. Those lines of injuries you've 'encraved' onto your hand etc may be too deep that they leave behind scars which can't be erased. Won't that remind you more bout the past? Thos unhappiness that you tried so hard to let go or forget? Mind your actions, leap before you jump my dears..
We're granted this chance to live in this world, to experience sadness and happiness, parture and reunion of loved ones, also to see how this world works. Notice the unexpected changes and twist in life.
It's not always smooth in this journey of each and everyone of us. Enjoy and live your life to the fullest, cos you'd never know when you would just leave this world.
Things are just so unexpected at most of the times. Just like Steve Irwin. Though death took him in such sudden way, he was believed to died in a peaceful state. At least, he died doing something of his interest!
Thus, I urged you guys who have the slightest idea of injuring or hurting yourself to WAKE UP!
Dare to face reality, sometimes you may even find surprises that lead to a new beginning of your life story! ^.^
Takkaire guys!
Tuesday, September 12, 2006
9/12/2006 07:50:00 PM Y
Post title : New Guy?
♥ You'll never know the real me.
[x]: New Guy? :[x]
Brief Description:
Name: Kelvin Loh(Vin)
Age: 20(should be la >.<) Location: Hougang
He's sweet
He's friendly
He's crappy
He's nice
He's lovely
He's cool on the outside
He's caring
He's easy-going
He's understanding
He confessed. He did. In a way that put a smile on my face. In fact, he did nothing much to win my heart nor did anything romantic to go after me.
Simple words he said could lift me to the sky.. high up..
Though I've long 'give up' on sweet talks. Though I do not really believe in promises. Though I doubt guys' words now. Though I'm afraid to accept again. Though I'm scared to be hurt or to hurt. Though I fear that cruelty will struck me once more.
I finally decided to give myself time to really think through this time round.
This is the first time ever I'm gonna really consider a guy seriously. I mean, I don't wish to end a r/s or start one just for .. fun? @.@
I've first messaged him on the 31st Aug. He was watching a movie then, so he replied that he'll msg/call me again ltr.
Our first meeting is on the 9th Sept which is a Saturday. I remembered him as a super quiet man who looks very cool.
He had that kinda fierce/dao look on his face too? Eyes that seems to kill. Fierce sial! =X
Anyway, I did not really chat with him much that day cos he was so quiet and cool that I'm kinda 'dunno what to do?' hahas
I kept asking my friends, esp Jennifer to talk to him, entertain him.
You know how awkward I felt to let MY friend walk alone himself and say nothing? Won't he feel so left out? I'm really scared of quiet people! Woots!
That night they went to ton at ECP! I can't cos I've been staying out for a number of times previously. So.. too bad! =(
When they left, he told me he was interested to know more bout me and said he wanted to chat with me but I was like keep 'disappearing' with my girls..! Hees.. Gome neh..! ^.^
After that day, he somehow told me that he like me and he even told my friends who're there that day lah! Lols.
I've been chatting with him at night since that day? I really enjoy his companion. Be it just a phone call. However, I'm rather afraid that all this will suddenly come to an end. We're not of any status to each other yet and who knows what will happen in the future? Or even in the next second? True? yeaps.. I gotta admit I do have that bits of feelings for him. But I'm not gonna act so harshly now. I wanna think about it first. I don't wish to see history repeating itself. Never will I wish to hurt anyone too. Therefore, I really hope he could wait for my answer (:
[8.35pm]Currently waiting for his call(*normally he'll call at 10 plus 11*) =X
I'm tired to be honest. Our conversation ends at around 12 plus 1. And pathetic me have to wake up to wash up and prepare for school at 6 . How many hours of beauty sleep am I getting? Awww.. But.. Do you peeps know how much I wanted to just hold on to the phone, listening to his voice? How much I wish time could pause for me? Impossible right? So I'll stop dreaming! hahas..
I'm going to rest awhile now! God Bless I don't fall asleep like a pig! >.<'' kees Loving Him more each an every day What am I gonna Do? o.O?
Sunday, September 10, 2006
9/10/2006 12:42:00 PM Y
Post title : Pretty nice vids! ^.^
♥ You'll never know the real me.
[x]: Videos For Entertainment! :[x]
9/10/2006 03:00:00 AM Y
Post title :
♥ You'll never know the real me.
[x]: Somehow It still misses.. :[x]*cont'd*
Chatted with him awhile.. A really short while..
Words that struck me. Question raised that hit me.
Why am I being moved in the heart? (moved is not talking bout being touch or what)
Shall not enclose our conversation, I just wanna say, I do miss him.
I do miss those days we're together..
I'm somehow expecting something from him.. something that I know may not happen.
Sometimes, I wanted to be with him once again, sometimes, I doubt we're suitable for each other.
Tears rolled down.. after I hang up the phone.
Have you ever felt that kinda sadness and emptiness when u have to end a phone call with someone who means something to you and that you might not be able to contact often? :(
I need to know what's going on with my heart and brain 'system'. Why are they going haywire?! >.<>
I need no space to think so much. My mind is filled with Him? gosh.. what am I thinking? hais.. Save me please..
See me in the rain, tears blending with the raindrops..*Confused +Sad*
9/10/2006 02:05:00 AM Y
Post title : Somehow It's still misses..
♥ You'll never know the real me.
[x]: Somehow It's still misses.. :[x]
Somehow, deep in my heart
I miss Him.
The Him who'd spent 7 months of happiness and sadness with me.
The Him who'd made me feel so hurt once.
I know we're over.
I know we're impossible
I know he had a girlfriend now.
All these small lil things i knew
in fact, turn my mind into chaos.
I've simply no idea what exactly am I feeling?
Why am I missing him so much?
I messaged, he replied not a single one.
I wanna call, but supposingly he's busy outside.
Could anyone tell me why on earth am I feeling this way?
I've no reason to miss him anymore.
We made it clear that we aren't the rightful one for each other.
He leads his life as usual with his brothers, and I've start anew with my girls.
I'm happy. Yes! But... am I asking for something more than these??
His turning my mind upside down.
Truly no idea what I want. hais..
Anyway, he just called. He was with JL.. so.. I called JL's number. Somehow, when I heard that they're waiting for His gf, bits of jealousy n sadness rise up. haish.. forget it.. I'm toking to him on phone now.. shall blog again..! tata! ^.^
Friday, September 08, 2006
9/08/2006 03:52:00 PM Y
Post title : What A Pathetic Spammer
♥ You'll never know the real me.
[x]: What A Pathetic Spammer :[x]
What a pathetic spammer I could say. Proving to me how fucking bored you are..? Love spamming? Love to live in the past? Love to ask people to commit suicide? Love to go around people's blog to spam their tagbox? Love to use someone's name to tag? Love to say nasty things bout others? Love to comment so much bout other people's personal life? Love to spend your time unneccessarily on taggin bullshit?
Gosh! You seriously are a poor chap. Can't you find something more MEANINGFUL to do? Or was it that you find that spamming people's blog was a meaningful thing to do? If so, you're really a NO LIFE person. I don't give a damn if you're a girl/guy. Get a life? I bet you're refering to yourself. Oh oh.. Or maybe you're the one who mass mail the vids to people online? Dear.. Do you know it's against the law and you can be charged?
Even if you're not THAT Fcuking Arsehole who mail it, you should be one GREAT sadist! Are you telling off Tammi in that tag? Indirectly advising her to choose a stupid way of getting out of these obstacles in life? Sarcasticly saying that her parents are proud of her? Yeah.. you got a point here. They're proud of her..!
BUT not as in what she did in the vids. It's the courage and bravery that impress them. Her mum had her in her womb for that ten months and that hours of tough delivery didn't go to waste. She's always her precious girl who's brave enough to endure all humiliation by you jackass.
Reflect upon yourself, I bet you won't dare to face reality and face this world if you're Tammi right? Bingo! I need not be clever to know this character of you. Searching a short way out to run away from truths. You're such a poor thing. Perhaps, no one will be there to support and encourage you to move on if you're her!
I felt so sorry for you. Should you feel so? You must my dear.. Come out of the PAST! Come on, pass me your hand, and I shall pull you out of th past.. the history.. Or maybe.. I suppose you'd like to be part of the history?OMG ! Nobody will rmb you so don't do anything silly k? She don't give a damn to people like you who loves to see people being depress or sad? Dwell in the past would only make you someone irritating and annoying. She's living perfectly well now eh~ so .. don't you think you should stop your bullshitting? Aren't you afraid you might be one bull after you reincarnate? Oh.. sorry.. I doubt you could reincarnate too. You'll be suffering in the hell with your evil tongue being cut of.."OUCH!" ><
I've seen not just one similar tag in other people's blog. WTF is that spammer trying to do? Don't keep making me feel so sorry for you.. please, there's much more for you to look into then Tammi? Get a life my dear..
Tuesday, September 05, 2006
9/05/2006 09:19:00 AM Y
Post title : His Death
♥ You'll never know the real me.
[x]: Death Of Steve Irwin :[x]
Well, a lil intro bout him for those who've no idea who he was.
Steve Irwin was the hugely popular Australian television personality and conservationist known as the "Crocodile Hunter,". Have you peeps watched any of his show before? Yeah.. he's indeed a brave man. ^.^
Irwin was famous for his enthusiasm for wildlife and his catchword "Crikey!" in his television program "Crocodile Hunter." First broadcast in Australia in 1992, the program was picked up by the Discovery network, catapulting Irwin to international celebrity.
He rode his image into a feature film, 2002's "The Crocodile Hunters: Collision Course" and developed the wildlife park that his parents opened, Australia Zoo, into a major tourist attraction.
I've seen his show before. It's really interesting and oh my.. I bet no one dares to do the things he do.
He was a passionate environmentalist who had brought joy and entertainment and excitement to millions of people! including me! =D Seriously, he's one whom I admire! hees..
The folowing is a short report on the recent news of his death:
(CNN) -- Steve Irwin, the Australian naturalist and wildlife crusader who won fame for his popular TV show "The Crocodile Hunter," died Monday after a stingray barb went into his chest, while filming off Australia's northeast coast, authorities said.
Irwin was filming an underwater documentary at Batt Reef in the Great Barrier Reef off Port Douglas in Queensland state, Queensland state police said.
The stingray barb pierced his chest, hospital sources said. News reports say he went into cardiac arrest after he was stung. His body was flown to the city of Cairns.
Irwin, 44, was director of the Australian Zoo in Queensland. He is survived by his American-born wife, Terri, and their two children, Bindi Sue, 8, and Robert (Bob), 3.
Terri Irwin was told of her husband's death while on a walking tour in Tasmania, and returned Monday night to the Sunshine Coast with the children. (Posted 4:22 a.m.)
As told by Irwin's friend and colleague John Stainton, the world has truly lost a great wildlife icon, a passionate conservationist and one of the proudest dads on the planet. He seemed so invinvcible and incredible.
Who on earth would dare to go near crocodiles or any other wildlife animals like he did? None I could say.
made a trademark of hovering dangerously close to untethered crocodiles and leaping on their backs, spoke in rapid-fire bursts with a thick Australian accent and was almost never seen without his uniform of khaki shorts and shirt and heavy boots. =)
I was really shocked to hear and read bout this news. I mean.. he was such a passionate guy who did what he loved to do. And just like what people said, he died while doing something of his liking. He died and left this amazing world in a happy and peaceful state of mind.
I believed he'd created his very own story and many shall remember his name. There'll never be a second Steve Irwin like him. =(
Let's pray for him..
Monday, September 04, 2006
9/04/2006 01:35:00 PM Y
Post title : ECP Night
♥ You'll never know the real me.
[x]: ECP Night :[x]
Well, I ton at ECP last sat which is the 2nd of Sept. ^^
Why am I tonning lately? I've got no idea too.. Don't really feel like going home bahs.. Anyway, I went to the IT fair at Expo with my nu ren, Yuting, that day. We went to see CHIOBU!!! OH my~~ Got one girl is so so so damn.. OMG~ Pretty to the core! Sort of la hahas.. But God is seriously fair. He created her with the looks but not with the attitude. My friend told me that her attitude is not that good?? Hmmm.. consider twice before approaching her bah peeps.. ^.*
Anyway, we went back at ard 6 plus 7. Took the train and ting and I decided to go ECP!! Feel the night breeze~~ hehes..
Way there, we bought a drink to quench our thirst and on the bus I asked if she could stay out.. and so we thought of really tonning outside.. hahas.. What a place to choose.. ECP? >.<>
Anyway, i love the cool breeze and the cold sea water.. It's so relaxing. Love it Love it LOve it!
heh heh.. I called JunLong and asked if he would like to come out cos my god bro, Haru, who's also her ex bf, wanna come find us.. So I was thinking if I should get someone else to accompany me eh? Hahas.. Hmm Why JL then? Simply bcos, I rmb asking him out one of the saturdays and he's those very steady type one.. So I immediately thought of asking him out that night.. =D No other motive.. Don't make any wild guess.. hahas..
We were so damn bored at first and so started to find things to entertain ourselves. We went to eat at Mac cos JL came with an empty stomach. Then we headed to .. hmm.. Sorry i got STM.. hahas.. Anyway, I recalled playing the soccer game and photo hunt at the pool there.. It's fun! For me.. hahas.. I'm seriously one that is very easy to entertain one.. Can I say I'm that type of person? hahas..Anyway,
We bought bottles of alcohols and drank it! It's not those that have high percent of alcohol. So don't worry! We're all clear-minded! (:
But, one thing I gotta comment.. JL is really smoking far too much.. To make things sound exaggerated, it's like he's smoking two cigs in 15 mins. My oh my.. he's 'black' =X
but hope he could cut down a lil.. it's not good for health right?? =(
All thanks to such a kind person like him who lent me his jacket that night. I'm not cold! yeah~ hen hao de peng you nehs.. Thanks to him once again for accompanying us out that whole night.. Or not I'm gonna be a damn bright lightbulb le.. Lols.. All in all, that was a tiring but kinda fun night.. Hope I din bore anyone to death! ^.^
